The girls are gone. The boy is sleep. Yet here I am. Starting a blog at 2 AM and listening to Sabrina Claudio. Mombie. I actually fell asleep around 9 PM. But between the multiple phone calls from Logan's dad- actually let's just start right there. WHY do dad's act like they cannot function without us? "When does she take her medicine?" "Where did you get this formula?" Like suh. The GROCERY STORE! "Okay but which one?" I understand he's a first time dad. But when I had my third child, honest to goodness I adopted a fourth. We are not together. Yet here he was, Facetiming me at 11 PM to have me walk him through giving Logli her medicine.
Mom of three, manager of six. Which makes me a Momager. I have to manage the kids, and each one of their dads. People bash moms who have multiple children by multiple men. They don't see us as people. They see us as flawed. I've learned I'm actually a superhero. For many reasons. Reason #1 I have to adjust to three completely different situations. Reason #2 I procreated three times to three BEAUTIFUL healthy babies. Reason #3 I survive, everyday.
Today I had a one on one with Dixon's dad. He hasn't always been there. I'm not saying that to throw him under the bus, that's just the truth. But recently he has begun to pick back up on our court ordered visitation schedule. Which I have no problem with. But now it's another relationship I have to manage. Today I called him and this is pretty much how our phone conversation went:
So he gets to my apartment. Not the whole fifteen minutes later like I was banking on, but probably more like 5 minutes later. Her bags were not packed. Laundry was everywhere. Dinner was still on the table from the previous night. I hesitated on letting him see all of this but then I was like, whatever. If he judges me, so be it. I'm a single mom. My apartment doesn't always look like this. I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off all day.
As I was in Dixon's room, packing her bags, I asked her if she wanted him to come back into her room. Because I know her and how she likes to show people her room and her stuff. So she went and got him. I heard him say "are you sure your Mom is okay with that?" *evil laugh on the inside* Yes sir, be afraid, be very afraid. But no, I love moments like that because I get to show how mature I ACTUALLY am. I'm always thinking about what he and everybody else probably thinks about me and how I'm doing. Not enough to dictate anything in my life, but I do have those thoughts. *shrugs*
When he first arrived I told him I wanted to speak with him. So we went outside. I started with "conversations like we had earlier make me crazy." State the problem. Followed by, "I'm not trying to fight you." Identify the goal. Finished with, "I don't have time to fight you." Tell the truth. I looked up and he was smiling. Not in an intimidating way. I'm not sure why he was smiling but it didn't feel threatening so I was okay with it. Either way, we weren't fighting and that helped. "You're doing a great job. You've always been reasonable," he said. Whether he meant it or not, I needed to hear it. Like at the end of the day, that's all that matters to me. Not by his approval. Not the approval of others. I just want to take care of my kids and I don't want anyone trying to make that harder for me. It's hard enough as is! I didn't wake up one day and decide to have three kids. But they're here under the circumstances that they are here. They have made my life so colorful and I won't let negativity into my situation and make my sky grey.
It's now 3:14 AM. Mombie out. *drops mic*
Does she normally fight like this?"No." I said. And I think I may have heard Logan whisper, "help. me."
Mom of three, manager of six. Which makes me a Momager. I have to manage the kids, and each one of their dads. People bash moms who have multiple children by multiple men. They don't see us as people. They see us as flawed. I've learned I'm actually a superhero. For many reasons. Reason #1 I have to adjust to three completely different situations. Reason #2 I procreated three times to three BEAUTIFUL healthy babies. Reason #3 I survive, everyday.
Today I had a one on one with Dixon's dad. He hasn't always been there. I'm not saying that to throw him under the bus, that's just the truth. But recently he has begun to pick back up on our court ordered visitation schedule. Which I have no problem with. But now it's another relationship I have to manage. Today I called him and this is pretty much how our phone conversation went:
What time are you coming?
I can come right now.
What time will you get here?
Bo, I'm saying I can come right now if that's cool.
Again, what time are you going to arrive at my apartment so that I can plan my day accordingly?
If it's cool with you that I come now, I can be there in 15 minutes.
Okay, thanks.Ya'll, I wanted to scream. It's enough having to have effective communication with kids, but with people you really would rather not even talk to? I went into my brain- like I always do- and I was like..."I have to talk to him. I have to tell him my goal and show him it has nothing to do with attacking him. And hopefully his goal will follow suit."
So he gets to my apartment. Not the whole fifteen minutes later like I was banking on, but probably more like 5 minutes later. Her bags were not packed. Laundry was everywhere. Dinner was still on the table from the previous night. I hesitated on letting him see all of this but then I was like, whatever. If he judges me, so be it. I'm a single mom. My apartment doesn't always look like this. I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off all day.
As I was in Dixon's room, packing her bags, I asked her if she wanted him to come back into her room. Because I know her and how she likes to show people her room and her stuff. So she went and got him. I heard him say "are you sure your Mom is okay with that?" *evil laugh on the inside* Yes sir, be afraid, be very afraid. But no, I love moments like that because I get to show how mature I ACTUALLY am. I'm always thinking about what he and everybody else probably thinks about me and how I'm doing. Not enough to dictate anything in my life, but I do have those thoughts. *shrugs*
When he first arrived I told him I wanted to speak with him. So we went outside. I started with "conversations like we had earlier make me crazy." State the problem. Followed by, "I'm not trying to fight you." Identify the goal. Finished with, "I don't have time to fight you." Tell the truth. I looked up and he was smiling. Not in an intimidating way. I'm not sure why he was smiling but it didn't feel threatening so I was okay with it. Either way, we weren't fighting and that helped. "You're doing a great job. You've always been reasonable," he said. Whether he meant it or not, I needed to hear it. Like at the end of the day, that's all that matters to me. Not by his approval. Not the approval of others. I just want to take care of my kids and I don't want anyone trying to make that harder for me. It's hard enough as is! I didn't wake up one day and decide to have three kids. But they're here under the circumstances that they are here. They have made my life so colorful and I won't let negativity into my situation and make my sky grey.
It's now 3:14 AM. Mombie out. *drops mic*
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