BoZenna Rae Growing Paynes

Sometimes we just need encouragement. This weekend was a heavy one. Between threats from my child's father to PURPOSELY pay his child support late, the burden of paying rent, and making sure TWO children were ready for the first day of school tomorrow...I was 110% single mama Bo this weekend.  Friday evening I had a hair appointment to fulfill (even though I am still retired) but there were too many bills to turn a hair appointment down. Then on top of ALL of that my child's father wanted to be difficult. While doing my client's hair, her mother was getting ready to go out. Cheerful and upbeat, she went on and on about how on Friday nights, her routine is to go to this food truck park and enjoy some friends she has.  I told her a little bit about what was going on with my child's father and she gave me advice. She gave me some stories from her own experience, she is a single mother as well. "You have to live your life as if you're doing it alone

I am so mad right now. Livid. My youngest will be two this month and I still have not been able to maintain a structured visitation plan with her other parent. For the most part, I know he does better than most. But still. Still I'm exhausted. Still I'm frustrated. Still I feel like I don't get enough help. I think a majority of the frustration comes from knowing that the decisions he's making are based off of what he wants to do and not off of what he NEEDS to do. And for that, I am pissed. What does he do? He's decided to drive trucks. He has a WHOLE Bachelor's degree more than I have. "What do you want me to do, sit behind a desk?" He said. "This is me." "YOU go out the window when you have a kid." I replied. But nope. He wants to drive trucks. And not for a company. For his self. That means he makes his own schedule. When I first heard that's what he was doing, I was cool with it. But the more it goes on- the less approv

The picture to the left was taken this morning. It was Sunday morning and I had already decided that we were not going to make church. However, I streamed it live as I made breakfast- pancakes. I turned to see what Harper was watching on TV. "Harper why are you watching the Spanish channel?" I asked. "Because I want to learn Spanish." He answered matter-of-factually. I shrugged and continued what I was doing. Shortly thereafter, Logan came strolling into the living room. "That's Jesus!" Harper told Logan. Up to that point I honestly didn't know what cartoon he was watching. I turned around for confirmation, and there He was, talking to a group of people on the television screen. "JESUS!" Logan repeated excitedly. It wasn't long before Dixon joined the group. A few minutes later, I turned around again from cooking to check on them. Satan was on the screen. "That's the devil." I advised. "Is he still alive?"

I had every reason to completely LOSE it tonight. My insurance company tried to hike up my insurance policy $125 with NO notification due to a speeding ticket and I was livid. "We emailed you  ma'am," they said. I checked my email two months back and I had NOTHING other than regular bills. I knew nothing about it. But here it was- imposing on my life- forcing me to problem solve when all I wanted to do was nothing. This may sound melodramatic to some but this is the life of a single working mom of three. I work 8 hours currently training new hires. That takes a lot of attention, time, patience, and focus. It's really no different than being a mom. Then when I get off, I'm a FULL blown mom. Managing four lives, primarily on my own. I fussed on the phone with Progressive while picking up two kids from one location- and one kid from another. "Are you okay," Dixon asked with concern. Then on top of ALL of that, I needed groceries. "We could just ge

Whew chile. It's been a while and honestly I wouldn't even blog half the stuff that's happened over this past year. Just know the title of this blog is TRANSITIONS. Since I last blogged I've lived three different places - including where we are now. Thankfully, all of those places were real homes. All I can say is GOD IS GOOD. It all started with me getting a phone call about free daycare. FREE. For my youngest two children. This wasn't CAPS, this was a grant from the daycare that Dixon USED to go to. My godmom had already told me about the grant months ago, but it wasn't available at the time. But here they were, bringing free childcare to me. You can't tell me that wasn't God. With that I was able to go back to work comfortably. Without having to figure out where my kids would go. And just like that we started getting back into our normal routine. Once I was back at work and my kids were on the grant for daycare, I went through a time of self re

This picture above? I wouldn’t even post it because I hated they way my body looked. Thick legs, no hips, no waist. I feel like I wear weight weird. I’ve always wanted to be thicker but apparently I don’t gain weight the way I thought I would in my head. I looked curvier smaller! “What’s your old body?” Harper asked me as a browsed through old pictures. A little bit after having him I went super hard exercising and not just dieting- but completely changing my life. I juiced. I smoothied. I did two a days. My goal was to look like Joie Chavis. Instead I got really skinny. Nevertheless, I didn’t look like I had two kids. And I could wear whatever I wanted.  This blog isn’t for the people that are going to get mad at a “skinny girl” for complaining. I am well aware that I don’t look as bad as I could. But where I am now is the most difficult place I have ever been. I can’t fit most of my clothes. And I have to worry about my stomach protruding in fitted shirts and dresses. And I know I’m