For the record, I am writing this blog after being completely and utterly inspired by Beyoncé's Coachella's performance. Why? She's a mom of 3. Let that sink in. Say less. And yes it is still playing in the background. For the third time. Let's start.
So...today I want to share some nuggets with you all. What I have learned as a mom! I've been a mom for 7 years. So at this point, on any job, 7 years pretty much makes you a vet. Not to mention I have THREE kids. So I'd like to think that I have some wisdom. Every time my grandmother tells me something I already know, I say "I know, I have three kids." lol Being a mom is tough. And sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. And that literally never changes. Like everything else it's a continuous process.
#1 You will lose your temper
Yes you. You will lose your temper. Kids are a bunch of uncontrollable tiny humans. We literally cannot control them. You can teach them. You can guide them. You cannot control them. They are their own people. As are you. You have feelings. You have moods. You have days. Like just now I had to stop writing because Logan was crying. I also had to tell Harper to get out of my business cards. For the second time. He has asked me for more soda like four times. As soon as I woke out of my nap. And you look at them some times like, "You don't think you're doing too much? Can't you see this is a bad time?" No. They don't see that. And as much as you exercise patience, there will be days where you lose. You may just yell a little too loud or go off on a rant. It's. Oh. Kay. You're not abusing them. You're being human. Your kids need to know you love them. And what amazes me is that they do, even after your rants and your yelling. Don't do this all the time of course. Continue to strive to practice patience. But do not beat yourself up because one day it was a little too much, and you went off. Apologize to them. Tell them you love them. Sometimes I even tell them, like, "Mommy's just a little tired. I've been repeating myself a lot. And I have a lot going on. So right now I don't have time for you to not listen to me." You'd be surprised what they understand. And the little boogers that they are actually are very very forgiving.
#2 They will ALWAYS love you
This one was important for me to know because in my situation, I'm not married to my children's fathers. And even if I was, I know some women still feel like their children cling to one parent more than the other. Even I cling to my mother way more than my dad. Children have an instinctual love for their mother. I know some children that were abandoned by their mothers and STILL will choose their mother over anyone else. It's a subconscious need we have to be loved by our mothers. So with you, being a good mom, and a mom that cares for her child...I can assure you that your children will ALWAYS love you. Don't think you have to earn their love. Don't think that because today you couldn't afford to get them what they wanted, that they will not love you. They may not even realize it right now, but they will grow up and look back and respect and love you. Some people may disagree with me because of their own personal experiences. And I pray God's grace over your situation. No matter how horrible the situation, God can heal anything. I'm just speaking from my experience. My mama got on my ding dang nerves. And there are things to the day that I may not agree with or appreciate- but I will not ever throw my mama under the bus. And I just know that we reap what we sow. If you are sowing forgiveness and love into your children, it will come back to you. Last summer I was pregnant, single, broke...and my lease was up. I had been paying month to month, which I really couldn't afford. My son's dad decided to take him for the summer. And with that my mother then also decided to take my oldest daughter for the summer. So I made the decision to move in with my godmother. I planned on getting a place before the summer was over. Then we would all move in to the new place together. That's not quite what happened. Dixon came back to me a little earlier than expected. And I just kept thinking, how is she going to sleep on the couch with her pregnant mama. I was so worried she would complain and be unhappy. She actually was like, "I just want to stay with you." And that amazed me. That even with her having her own room in my mom's big, nice house...after being gone she appreciated being with me more. Harper soon followed. He started crying every time I dropped him off at his dad's, so he too came back with me early. So all three of us were on my godmother's couch in August. With me 9 months pregnant. And no CLUE where we were going to move. But when I tell you that took so much pressure off of me! The fact that they would sleep with me on a couch made me realize I could stop with the unrealistic goals I was shooting for with our living arrangements, and just get A place that would serve the purpose it needed to. We did end up moving in three days before I had my daughter. And everything was fine. Love really is all you need.
#3 You have to do what works for YOU
Again, we set these unrealistic expectation for ourselves sometimes. We have these images in our heads of what being a mom is. Whether those images come from society, tv, our own parents, our friends, social media... we try to keep up with goals that aren't always for us. Being a parent is hard enough. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself really doesn't help. You cannot make decisions based off of what other people think. If you know there's something you want to do that you think someone else may not approve of- including the other parent- you should ask yourself these questions. Why am I doing this? What is my goal? Am I hurting or helping my child? Is this what I want or is this what's best? What are the consequences of going the alternative route? When I sit back and evaluate these questions I usually come to peace with my decisions. And that is important to have YOUR own peace. Because people will have something to say. You work too much. You don't work enough. You don't get enough rest. You don't do enough. You're lazy. I've heard it all. And at the end of the day, these are your kids being paid for out of YOUR pockets and being taken care of with YOUR time. Half the time people are talking, they don't even take themselves seriously. Sometimes they are really just talking. So I would maybe consider things that people say, and then decide for yourself based off of where your peace lies. And pray. God knows better than anyone what's best for you and your kids. Sometimes what God has in mind for you and your kids may not even fit the mold of what people expect or please everyone. Doesn't matter. Focus on the goal and your peace. People will fall in line or fall out the way.
#4 SAVE MONEY when possible
I am not always good at this but with three kids I have been getting better. Because I have to. Don't feel bad or toot your nose up at bargains. I shop at Walmart. I shop at Once Upon A Child. I sell clothes and items to them as well. If you can save money and get your children what they need...you should. They are constantly growing. And if you're like me with THREE...somebody always need something. Shoes. Jackets. Diapers. Field trip money. Lunch money. And it's not going to end until they graduate from college. I say college because I'm not cutting my children off just because they turn 18. That's a another blog for another day. You should definitely budget and plan for your kids. I have a box in my closet with Christmas presents in it for Christmas this year. And it's April. Because I have three kids and Christmas sneaks up on you. And you can save money for Christmas. But when something comes up- like car repairs or rent...you may be tempted to use that money. When the gifts are already purchased. That's that. They are already there. And you'll get so much more. My mom has done that for years as well as my daughter's great grandmother. It also helps to just buy things when they are on sale. Especially if it's something you know they'll need. We seriously don't ever know what's going to come up and when. So we can think we'll have the money for something in a month when we run out of diapers...but we may not. But if we have already purchased diapers here and there...we will never run out. I also shop at Aldi's. It is amazing. They have super cheap diapers. They have great deals on non food items. Then of course their food is cheap. If you're like me and you like to cook from scratch, it awesome for that. And they have lots of healthy choices. I may write a blog on Aldi's one day too because I'm obsessed with them. But yes, save your coins in anyway possible girl. You'll thank me later.
#5 Every moment counts
Your kids won't be kids for ever. Don't get so caught up in every day life that you forget to make memories. Don't get caught up in "when I get money I will..." or "I can't afford that." As a single mom and working...I've had to make a lot of hard decisions on whether to put my kids first or if I would be irresponsible by doing so. And it's like, these are my kids. I am their Mom. If I don't do it, who will? I have to be a mom first. I have to do right by them first. And I just trust that God will see my heart, he will know that I am doing what I can, and he will do the rest. So if I only have $3, I will get my kids ice cream and take them to the park. If I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent, we will still have popcorn and movie night. I will find a way to create a family unit between us because at the end of the day, that's all we have. Me working all the time isn't going to make my kids grow up to be good people. Us spending time together, having fun, doing new things is what matters to them and me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to be irresponsible. I'm just saying if you're like me, we get caught up in working so hard because we have to make ends meet. But time isn't stopping. We can't ignore our kids because there is ALWAYS going to be something that we COULD be doing. Laundry, working, cooking, cleaning, budgeting, errands.... chile the list goes on. Just make sure you incorporate time for your kids often enough.
Alright ya'll that concludes my two cents. I'd love to hear feedback on this topic because it's definitely something we can all learn from each other! #mommieslivesmatter
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